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If my testimony and sharing of experience and/or accumulated knowledge(I don’t like the word teaching as it implies authority, which outside of Christ I do not possess, nor do I desire to.)gives you the ammunition to take one more soul from the hands of Satan, than all praise to Jesus, all of my experiences past, present, and future are blessed.
It is striking that in prayer The Lord drew you a connection between King David and myself. He did the same for me in a different way. One thing King David admonishes us to be and I consider to be right under repentant, and that is thankful.
As I was collecting dry dead wood and the thought occurred.
“When I was a child I was taught that Lucifer the the Artisan and Engineer of nature, and thereby the provider of all of the wild blessings and gifts. I now know that is not true. Not that there is no such thing as the wild provisions, I was collecting the most important. The dead wood that would be the kindling, that started the fire that I will sit in front of tonight, that serves as light, heat, and protection from the actual wolves that would soon be howling in the in the darkness. The lie was that Lucifer was their creator.
When I was no older than my daughter is now I went through a cultural initiation. I was shoved out into the wilderness to survive for 13 days. Lucifer keep you, I was told. When I asked what that meant I was told:
If he wants you to drink, he’ll send rain.
If he wants you to eat, he’ll send rabbits to your traps, and make sure the edible roots and berries are ready.
If he wishes you not to be a meal for the predators of the night, he’ll send you kindling and keep your fire burning til dawn.”
All of this was given to me, but not by Lucifer. Wow, when I was a child trained to hate You, and did because that is what pleases those who look after her, and gave credit for the beauty of your creation, and timeliness of your provision to your enemy. You still provided for and preserved the life of this girl for 13 days. It isn’t enough Lord, on my part. You kept me, knowing what I’d become, and the the sin that would ensnare me…but then again, you always knew we’d get here, didn’t you? You kept me then, because you knew of now, when back then a nearly seven year old me couldn’t imagine now. Just, Wow, and as inadequate as it sounds, Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, for preserving me then, and protecting and preserving my child and I now.”
When I read David’s Psalms I see statements similar to the thought I shared above. David says thank you to The Lord for everything:
The spark of life in his soul
The breath in his lungs
The food that sustained him
The people he loved
The people who loved him
The mercy and forgiveness of God
He never missed an opportunity to thank God. If I can be like him in any way than my prayer is that I like David, never miss an opportunity to say Thank You, Jesus…for everything, and never take so much as the next breath through my lungs for granted.
And yes, I do pray for them. I know that we are at emnity with each other, but I grieve because these people were my family. I loved them then, I love them more now, and all I can do is pray. So I pray that God will give them repentance like he did to me, at the very least one more day to seek it. I won’t say more on this as it is still very painful.
A prayer I say each morning;
I pray on the day I meet you, and kiss your feet if it is not by the means of you calling us all home those who survive me might say, if asked that my repentance was seconded only by my thankfulness, subsequently followed by all those qualities you find good and pleasing in your children. Sanctify me, Lord. And by your guidance and chastening make this statement a reality in me. I know it will be hard, but it will never steal my joy, because I will know that in putting my shoulder to the plow to cultivate these qualities that by default the other qualities, the ones that you do not consider good and pleasing are starving to death, with only the devil to mourn them. The day I do not feel joy at the manifestation of your power in the world, in another person, in my own condition regardless of how hard it was to get there, and don’t become somewhat childishly giddy at the destruction of darkness that follows will see me headed home with you.
In your name I pray,