Reply To: Compound Sin

Sanne Stouwdam

    compound sin
    a close friend of mine died (around 10+ years ago) after having an overdose of drugs, found in a bed of a stranger. He was a great guy and i loved him to bits and pieces. He could make me laugh like nobody else and we were unseperatable for a couple of years.
    He was hooked on sex, drugs and techno music. It was what gave his life meaning and joy, as he would talk about techno events like it were little bits of heaven. it could clearly not fill up the void that he was feeling on a deeper level, since he needed more drugs and more parties to maintain.
    Now in this way, he was commiting idoltary because this lifestyle became like a god to him. He was sinning against his own body, by fornication and he was dragging other people along in this sinful lifestyle by using his charisma to promote these techno parties and the drugabuse.
    I lost him as a friend years before he died, because of this lifestyle but ‘by chance’ reconnected again by a spontanious reconnection at a public train station just the week before his death. He was still living this livestyle after all of those years. Before he went out to party that very weekend, he told me over the pohone that he was going to party ” so hard, you could sweep me off of the floor” . My stomach turned when he said that, something about it felt very off. But i held my peace because he never liked it when i would try to mother him or tell him what to do. I thought to myself; we’ve just reconnected, let’s wait a bit before talking to him about it. I never got that chance and i don’t think it would have changed him this time if i did either.

    I feel his uncareful behaviour towards himself and the people around him might have been coming from a place of selfhatred. He really tried to clean himself up, but the party life kept pulling him with invisible strings, leading him eventually to an early, unnecessary death. idolatry, fornication and selfhatred all led him to this sad ending.
    At his funeral i could finally see why he felt like such a failure. it was clear these negative ideas were stemming from his father, who was not capable of showing him any love before he would be fully established as a ‘succesful’ person. My friend had such fantastic abilities to engage people, to connect with anyone he wanted to, he could have been all types of succesful if given some more time. And what is being succesful anyways? expressing his disapointment in his son at his very funeral showed where the heavy burden in my friend stemmed from. A heaviness that he had tried to avoid and cover up all this time with drugs sex and parties. here he was loved, succesful and carefree. All things God wanted him to have, but just not this way.

    36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
    37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. (idolatry)
    38 This is the first and great commandment.
    39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour -as thyself. (selfhatred, leading others into sinful behaviours)
    40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.